Don’t give up! Hold a tiny baby, find a job in the classifieds or just give jesus a hug. just a little photo montage I threw together. Enjoy!
-Taz
This will be unlike any blog you’ve ever known…
This blog is going to become a compulsion, some life-giving obsession. Like a prisoner in solitary confinement, you’ll etch markings on your monitor for the number of times this blog has blown your mind, until your monitor is worn down to a knub, and you burn your fingerprints off with monitor fluids. Unbeknownst to you, when you sleep, your dreams will be projected on your monitor-fluid fingertips. After a night of some pretty devastating dreaming, your longtime girlfriend will leave you, unable to look you in the eye as she goes. You’ll never know why.
This blog will devastate your emotional state. You’ll cry tears so pure, they’ll be made out of pure sadness: viscous like honey, and dark blue. You’ll try and hide this fact, but a rich businessman from Dubai will find you out, and he will hire you to sit in a glass bubble, wearing a dress of quilted tissues while suspended in the lobby of his hovering 8-star hotel named “Great Bubbles Hotel.” You will be expected to cry at 3pm, 6pm, and 1am, daily. People will purchase your tears in a small gilded tin, and spread it on saltines. Eventually, you’re replaced by a giraffe with a three-inch neck that people can ride (It’s basically a pony, you’ll say, surprised at the jealousy in your voice), and you are let go. You will come back to your home town to work at the Fashion Express, where you become so numb that you never cry again.
This blog will show you wonders only wondered at by professional wonderers sequestered below decks on an unmarked ship stranded in the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. The rest of the crew will spend their time lining the rails on deck and staring out at the deflated beach balls, tangles of nets, and empty Vitamin Water bottles. Taking it in, they wonder at nothing. Without looking at one another, they nod knowingly. This spectacle was to be expected. Only the hope contained below keeps them from jumping into the water and taking their rightful place on the throne of inevitability.
This blog will feature dirty rap videos, clips from “To Catch a Predator,” and short, pointless stories.
Your mind will be blown, like a faded 80’s rock star in an alley behind a Boston Pizza: with heaps of regret-tinged ecstasy, followed by gulps of GHB-spiked rum pulled from a BP glass she handed you. Forget, forget…You will live forever…
Welcome to the Sunday Service blog.
- Kevin.
